Instead of processed crackers and cereal, I've been snacking on mostly veggies, fruit and nuts, also low sugar nonfat greek yogurt. I've lowered the sugar in my coffee to half a teaspoon, and am totally done with no-calorie sweeteners. I have not had any late night binges (this is the greatest acomplishment, thank you, Lord!!). I eat a light, healthy snack in the evening but NOT in front of a screen (my other big goal). I'm also trying to get used to ending meals without a sweet taste in my mouth. This is a tough one. I find myself wanting even just a bite of fruit- a strawberry or a bite of banana. There's nothing wrong with these things of course, but in this case they are substituting for dessert, fulfilling that need for sweet, not acting as part of a balanced meal.
Its been an encouraging process overall. Let me be honest- Its not without struggle and temptation. I went to a women's luncheon at church a week ago and knew that there would be chocolate- I mean, it was a WOMEN'S luncheon, after all. As I suspected, there was chocolate at every place setting as well as a plate of brownies and chocolate chip cookies in the center of every table. I let my accountability partner know where I was and that I was holding to my goals and saying no. Accountability helps so much!! And I enjoyed the luncheon very much, even without dessert. Now, am I saying that there shouldn't have been sweets and those women were evil to put them on the table?? No, of course not. Sweets can be an appropriate and wonderful thing to have on occasion. However, I do question the fact that we seem to assume that there HAS TO be chocolate if its a women's function. "Chocolate is a woman's best friend," and so forth. This shouldn't be the assumption! This is not how I want to live. I want to get to the point that I can enjoy a sweet treat occasionally without feeling like it controls me, or that its not a worthwhile event without dessert.
I drove out to my husband's work today to pick up some medicine for my baby. On the way back, my first thought was, "I should stop at Starbucks and treat us all to cake pops." Why? Because I successfully picked up the medication? We deserve a reward for that? I've gotten to the point that every unusual circumstance, rough day or slight achievement calls for a celebration or pampering with sweets. First of all, sweets should not be treated as a reward!! I am where I am today because of telling myself over and over that I "deserve" dessert. Second, even when there is a reason to celebrate and sweets are part of that celebration, my qualifications for celebrating have gotten really low. A birthday, yes. Picking up medication, no. Its fascinating to walk through these moments of temptation with an observant perspective. I see the way that my brain and emotions react, the way cravings flare up and thoughts consume me. Rather than feeling defeated, I just realize that I'm not there yet and I need to press on.
When I was a pre-teen and young teenager I got really into soap operas. General Hospital and Days of Our Lives were my favorites. I would watch them at my dad's with my step sister, and at my best friend's house. I was completely absorbed in the story lines, thought about the characters all the time and couldn't wait for the next episode to see what would happen next. I was so frustrated when I had to miss a few days. Then, a significant amount of time would pass without me being able to keep up with the shows. And to my amazement, rather than missing them that much more, I DIDN'T miss them. Not even a little. I forgot the plot lines and realized that the shows didn't need to be a part of my life. I find that the same phenomenon holds true as an adult with any show I think I can't live without- American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance, The Biggest Loser... they've all been "must see t.v." for me at some point and I don't miss them at all when I'm not up on the current season. I am convinced that this addiction to sweets and emotional eating is for the most part, the same. It is a much harder habit to break, for sure. But, once enough time passes, the cravings lessen if not disappear. Habits change, I learn to reward myself and comfort myself in healthy ways. Unlike soap operas, desserts can likely have an appropriate, minimal place in my life at some point. But they won't control me.
One last thing. On Saturday, I made our favorite "special breakfast," Dutch Babies. For those of you who don't know what this is, think family-sized baked, puffed pancake. Its not a very sweet dish to begin with, but this time I decreased the sugar even more. I was amazed, when I took the first bite, how much sweeter it tasted to me than the last time I ate it! This was after 12 or so days with no sweets and a very low sugar diet. It dawned on me that the process is working!! My tastes are changing! My taste buds are not so used to experiencing sweet all the time and I don't need my food to be as sweet as I used to!!! This was a wonderful realization. I was so encouraged!! I hope those of you who are reading this find it encouraging and inspiring, too.
I'm excited to keep pressing forward, keeping you posted on the progress. With God's grace, freedom is possible!!
(Heading to a conference this week, will probably be another week or so until I can blog again. Thanks for reading!)
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